"Please help!" 
$100 for 2-hour minimum, local.

"What is local?"
Cabell, Putnam, and Kanawha Counties in West Virginia. Everywhere else in the world includes $1.00 per mile for one-way mileage (calculated by MapQuest) from my home to your address. Or buy me a plane ticket, provide all transportation, and pay me $50 per hour for travel time. Basically, I will come anywhere because I love to see the world!

"My daughter needs you. Can I give her your services as a gift?"
$100 minimum. Add mileage if it is out of my area. Like any other gift certificate, if she declines to use it, there is no refund; however, it is transferrable, so you can use it for yourself or for someone else. 

"My mother-in-law is coming on Friday! HELP!!!!!"
$500 plus out-of-area mileage per 10-hour day for miracles. Multiple-day out-of-area miracles will require that you provide me a place to sleep and shower and share your family meals with me.